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Do You Know The Difference Between Healthy And Unhealthy Guilt? |
By:
Bill Urell |
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Guilt and shame are not the same. Guilt is the emotional reaction people may feel if they believe they have acted against their moral code. They did something, like stealing they know is wrong and feel guilty. Shame is about being rather than doing. It is a feeling of being lacking or bad at the core.
There are two main functions of guilt. It can serve as a way of punishing oneself for bad behavior, or it can also be a catalyst for changing whatever situation caused the feelings of guilt in the first place. Both of these functions can help people to have a better social conscience by caring about how their actions affect other people. People who don't feel remorse and guilt in occasional response to their actions may be mentally ill. However, guilt can also have harmful effects when it causes people to withdraw from others. Also, there are occasions where people feel irrational guilt for things that are beyond their control. It is only natural, but in this case it is counterproductive.
People may be prone to guilt if they around other people who use it as a means of manipulation. Because guilty people often feel the need to make up for the harm they have done, manipulative people can take advantage of that by guiding people towards conclusions that leave them feeling guilty. It may be entertaining on television when a character gains something by convincing someone else that the situation was his or her fault, but the resentment of being manipulated in real life is no laughing matter.
Experiences that occur in childhood can make a person likley to experience guilt. If children are involved in arguments and chaos, they can feel responsibility for being the cause and hold themselves responsible. It is important for friends and loved ones to offer reassuring words during times like these. Of course, the opposite kinds of words will only make the feelings of guilt multiply if children are constantly told that they are a burden or that everything is their fault.
There are two types of guilt; healthy and unhealthy(toxic). Guilty feelings arise whe something really is your fault. When you feel guilt in this situation, it is your conscience at work, and that is a very good thing. What kind of a world would this be if most people didn't care when their actions had adverse effects on other people? Healthy guilt involves accountability for ones own actions. Although those actions can't be undone, healthy guilt will motivate people to find ways to better the situation that they caused.
Unhealthy guilt stems from feelings that aren't based in reality or rationality. This can occur when people feel guilty for situations they did not cause or control. Unhealthy guilt often gets its roots from guilt and unworthiness that a person has been conditioned to feel. If people are in unhealthy environments or relationships they can feel responsible for things they really cannot control. As an example, we cannot assume resonsibility for how others feel because of our actions. It would be healthy to feel guilty for making weight jokes about a woman who is sensitive about her weight, but it would be unhealthy to feel guilty for becoming a doctor when your mother always wanted you to be a lawyer.
In order to get over healthy guilt, you can usually just follow your own conscious. Naturally it depends on how serious the event is that you feel guilty about. It may take a long time to undo the damage you have done, and even the right thing to do isn't always an easy thing to do.
Overcoming unhealthy guilt can be more difficult. You may have to work on it internally and externally. upon inner reflection, it is useful to tink in terms of logic about what is within and not within a persons' control. It is also important to reflect upon all of the things you do which make you an important person who is worthwhile to be around. Surround yourself with people who reinforce these ideas and don't tear down your self-esteem. Getting professional help is an opotion also.
Above all, remember that negative feelings like guilt have a place in all of us. Without them, the good feelings would have nothing to stand out against. The most important thing is to make negative feelings work for you instead of against you.
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Pick up your free 103 page Addiction Recovery Help Guide and enhance your life free of addictions. Join our growing community. The author, Bill Urell MA.CAAP-II, is an addictions therapist at a leading drug rehab. He teaches healthy life styles and life skills. Visit: http://AddictionRecoveryBasics.com
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| Phrase |
# Count |
% Density (approx) |
guilt
| 21
| 2.62
| people
| 17
| 2.12
| feel
| 14
| 1.75
| guilty
| 8
| 1.00
| healthy
| 7
| 0.87
| feelings
| 7
| 0.87
| unhealthy
| 6
| 0.75
| actions
| 6
| 0.75
| feel guilty
| 5
| 0.62
| of guilt
| 4
| 0.50
| unhealthy guilt
| 4
| 0.50
| thing
| 4
| 0.50
| feel guilty for
| 3
| 0.37
| to feel
| 3
| 0.37
| guilty for
| 3
| 0.37
| their actions
| 3
| 0.37
| people to
| 3
| 0.37
| guilt in
| 3
| 0.37
| healthy guilt
| 3
| 0.37
| the feelings of guilt
| 2
| 0.25
| to feel guilty for
| 2
| 0.25
| feelings of guilt
| 2
| 0.25
| to feel guilty
| 2
| 0.25
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